Week commencing 10.11.03

Head of the Prince

This week the UK press published the allegations relating to Prince Charles.

It was reported in the news that the Prince was allegedly found in a ‘compromising position’ with a servant.

So it just goes to show that getting a knighthood is not the only time that you might have to kneel and receive the royal sword.

Flying Prince

Prince Edward has just become a proud father to a baby girl but was out of the country when the baby was born.

Edward has been out of the country every month since the pregnancy was announced. It makes you wonder whether he was out of the country when it was conceived.

More head

In a recent poll, the widget has crowned the greatest invention in 40 years.

The widget, found in the bottom of beer cans to give your beer head (not again), straight from the can, beat email, internet, mobile phones, cloning, the microwave, contact lenses, 3-D technology, video games, cds, dvds, and plastic surgery.

What does that say about the British public, unsophisticated, and beer drinkers.

What’s the ID here then?

Met police commissioner Sir John Stevens announced today that ID cards were essential in the war against terrorism.

Why? What are they going to do? Stop and search anyone that looks like a terrorist? And what would be the criteria for that?

Only recently the met police were found to be abusing their new anti-terrorist powers when they stopped protesters and residents heading towards the Greenwich area where there was a government surplus arms trade fair.

Face off

Surgeons in France and the United States say they are now ready to graft the face of a dead person on to someone who has been facially disfigured.

The technique would involve removing facial muscles and skin from a dead donor and placing them on another person.

Surgeons have acknowledged that such a procedure raises major moral, ethical and psychological issues. Like random people coming up and asking you for the £500 you owe them, and wives of the dead mans face screaming “I thought I killed you”.

No Bush in England?

President George Bush will carry out the first official state visit to England by an American president for more than fifty years.

In a speech at the Guildhall in London, Tony Blair said it was the democratic right of those opposed to the war in Iraq to protest, but he challenged opponents of the war in Iraq, saying now was the time to work alongside America to rebuild the country.

Tony, I do not think anything will prepare you for how unpopular Bush is in England. Look at Prince Charles. (somebody stop me).

Olympics in Statford

Stratford in east London could be the site for an 80,000-seater stadium to host the 2012 Olympic Games,

After six months of planning, the committee behind the London bid is to reveal on Tuesday afternoon what the Games could bring to the city.

Plans have been seen, which include a giant stadium, at Marshgate Lane in Stratford, east London, which offers Eurostar access.

New events will involve stealing a car radio in the fastest time, and how many kids can you have in a pram

Gender choice

British parents should not be allowed to choose the sex of their babies, regulators have ruled. The Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority said the status quo, which only allows sex selection for strictly medical reasons, should remain.

HFEA chairman Suzi Leather said there was a “huge public consensus” against allowing parents to select a child’s sex, unless it was to protect against disease.

The rules will mean that only those people with a serious sex-linked disorder in the family, such as Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy – which only affects boys, will be able to select a baby’s sex in the UK.

Bit of a slipper slope really, what is next, screening out the ‘Ginger’ gene? These babies grow into modified adults who then only breed with other modified adults. Did anyone see the film ‘Gattica’?

Toxic ship

Two ageing US navy ships at the centre of an environmental and legal struggle are due to arrive in Hartlepool. The UK Government has said they can be stored temporarily on Teesside, but should be sent back to the US.

Able UK, the firm planning to wreck the so-called ghost ships, must convince a court it has the correct permissions. Campaigners are planning a vigil. Two other such ships – part of a flotilla of 13 originally intended to be scrapped on Teeside – are also being towed across the Atlantic.

The ship contains 3540 tonnes of oil, 3872 tonnes of oily ballast water, 1402 tonnes of asbestos, 722 tonnes of electronics, 650 kg of bio hazards, 345kg of ozone depleting substances, 8.8kgs of mercury, as well as unknown quantities Cadium and Chomium

So what is new. The US has been sending their rubbish over here for years; ‘Friends’, ‘Love boat’, ‘Party of five’

Booze cruise

The European commission issued a stern warning to the government about the way it seizes alcohol and cigarettes bringing goods into England ‘not for personal consumption’.

The government has two months to justify its tactic of seizing vehicles and goods as their actions are considered to be disproportionate to crime. The commission feels that a fine and the payment of duty and tax on the goods would be sufficient.

So the next time that the customs officers are tearing your car apart you can be sure to remind them that they are supposed to be reforming and just in time for xmas. That will not wind them up…much.

Goodbye CDs

CDs could be a thing of the past within five years. Experts say that they will be replaces with memory card that hold up to a gig of information.

The cards will plug directly into the machine and there will be no moving parts, just like a MP3 player.

In addition, Nirotek have just created surround sound from a single speaker.

The 4 inch tall speaker plugs into your DVD player and makes 600million calculation a minute to manipulate the soundwaves and reproduce perfect surround sound. The speaker cost £500.

Xmas is coming lads

Guinness is good

The old advertising slogan “Guinness is Good for You” may be true after all, according to researchers.

A pint of the black stuff a day may work as well as an aspirin to prevent heart clots that raise the risk of heart attacks.

Drinking lager does not yield the same benefits, experts from Wisconsin University told a conference in the US. But what about Cranberry breezers, I hear you ask.

I’ll think about it Tony

British Prime Minister Tony Blair has sent an official invitation to Prime Minister Owen Arthur and all other CARICOM leaders for a December 2 breakfast at No. 10 Downing Street

The funny part of this story is that Arthur has not made up his mind as to whether he can be bothered to go.

Suddenly Tony finds himself on the B for Blair list

Japan pulls up

Japan has said it will postpone sending troops to join the US-led coalition in Iraq until next year because of the worsening security situation. Tokyo had hoped to deploy its first troops before the end of the year, but now says conditions are too unstable.

The move came after at least 27 people died in a suicide bomb attack on the Italian police headquarters in the southern town of Nasiriya.

Now there is irony for you. The Japanese have deferred because of suicide attacks. You think that the Japanese would be use to the concept of suicide bombers. They might have been the Americans secret weapon. “Spot that Iraqi, I have seen that determined suicidal look before”

Monkey business

The knitted monkey doll who became the star of ITV Digital’s adverts has been given his own BBC variety show. The one-off programme, called Watch With Monkey, will be shown on BBC One at a date yet to be scheduled.

It follows the monkey’s appearance on the BBC’s Comic Relief earlier this year, after ITV Digital closed in 2002.

“Since Monkey moved into his new home at Comic Relief he has been networking in preparation for this day,” said the charity’s chief executive Kevin Cahill.

Well, it just goes to show, it you pay peanuts….

X Scream

There is a new rid in Las Vagas that is 900ft high and propels passengers 27ft out into the Vagas skyline.

The ride is situated on the top of the Stratosphere Tower with nothing below but pavement 900ft below

What can I say, Stupid Americans

New diet

Scientists have developed a nose spray for dieters

The spray, developed at Imperial college of medicine, contains the hormone PYY that tells the brain that it is full.

I wonder whether it comes in different flavours and in different meals

Umm I fancy Bacon and eggs with chocolate cheesecake for desert. {sniff} lovely.

On a serious note

The designer of Barbados’ flag is dead. Grantley Prescod, 77, died yesterday morning at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital Barbados after a short illness.

Describing Prescod as a man of considerable achievement, Prime Minister Owen Arthur said: “Barbarians must never underestimate the significance of the contribution made by citizens like Mr Grantley Prescod.”

“His contribution, like the contributions of those who penned the National Anthem and the National Pledge, those who designed the Coast of Arms, is fundamental to the entire concept of Barbarian Independence.”

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~ by jeditopcat on 3 November, 2008.

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