Week commencing 17.11.03

The state of this visit

This week sees the state visit of George Bush Jr

Junior has decided that the British secret service is not effective enough and has decided to bring with him 700 American secret service members.

Not only this, but the Americans requested immunity from prosecution for killing any British citizens. What were they going to do, use us for target practice?

There is more, Junior is so paranoid that the world hates him, that the guards inspection has been moved to inside the gates of Buckingham palace as opposed to on Horse Guard parade where it should be.

There is more. Junior requested that the London underground tube system be shut down for the length of time that he is in London. Yep, because terrorist always travel by tube.

I hope that Junior and his 700 posse with guns will be paying the congestion charge.

There is more. The 1600 officers, that is one in nine officers in England, will cost the British taxpayer £7million

An undercover reporter has exposed flaws in royal security by gaining a job as a footman at Buckingham Palace by using a false reference.

The Daily Mirror said Ryan Parry worked for two months at the Palace despite unprecedented security for the visit of US President George Bush

Parry’s editor said they had decided to pull Mr Parry out of the palace once the president arrived as “we did not want to genuinely compromise any ongoing security issues that might arise while [the president] is here.”

So the security measures are costing us £700million and yet they still can not vet the staff correctly. Right

Stay tuned for further tales of Junior in London.
Soul Music

Soul singer Luther Vandross, who is recovering from a stroke, received two prizes at the American Music Awards.

The 52-year-old was named best male R&B performer, while Dance With My Father was named favourite soul-R&B album.

Jennifer Lopez won the award for favourite pop or rock female artist, while Justin Timberlake won for favourite pop or rock album for Justified

At last. Somebody else has realised that Timberlake and Lopez are not really ‘soul’ singers, but that they are manufactured career performers.

Racist tendencies

Scientists have a new brain scan that can tell whether you are racist.

30 volunteers shown pictures of black individuals and if there is a surge of brain activity then it reflects a racist tendency.

Now even I can see the faults in this. If you were to show me a picture of tv cook Ansley or Rusty Lee, I too would have elevated brain activity, as I despise them both.

Naked truth

Protesters braved the cold and lay on Parliament square yesterday spelli8ng NO on the grass.

The demonstrators were protesting against GM foods.

So, the demonstration was them getting naked. Well looking at them it would have been an effective demonstration.

Some of them should have been saying ‘NO’ to another pie.

Marriage, old hat

This week the Marriage Guidance Council changed its name to the Relationship Guidance Council after revealing that only 40% of it clients were married.

Government figures show that there were 249,227marriages in Britain in 2001, the lowest since 1897. At the same time divorces increased for the first time since 1996 by 1.4 % to 157,000 in 2001.

I am not proud, I am not ashamed to say “I told you so” check out ‘My views on…’ then ‘Marriage’

Call me Gov’

Arnold Schwarzenegger was sworn in as governor of California yesterday

Nothing funny there. We have seen what happens when an actor goes into politics. Look at Regan

We can only hope that he can divorce his political persuasion methods from his film roles.

Xmas rapping

Ex Major James Hewitt and Harvey are to make a bit for the xmas number 1.

The record called “Ding dong” is a quote from ‘The celebrity games’ where he was trying to chat up Ms World

I guess that his lyrical attempts to unwrap Miss World impressed Simon Cowles

Barclaycard rejected

Barclaycard has been told by the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) to withdraw advertising for its controversial “0% forever” credit card.

The OFT said that term “0% forever” was “highly misleading,” as the actual interest rate paid by customers on balance transfers was often higher.

Barclaycard – Britain’s biggest credit card provider – claimed that its new credit card offered consumers 0% interest rate forever on money transferred from other cards.

However, the 0% rate is only available provided the consumer uses the credit card to make purchases – of at least £50 a month – which then attract interest at the higher standard rate.

Well at least someone has rejected Barclaycard,.rather than the other way around. Not accepted everywhere

Moving baby

The ordeal of a woman who was forced to travel 275 miles from Brighton to Manchester to give birth is an “all too common occurrence”, a charity says.

Bonnie Green, a spokesman for Bliss, which helps premature babies, said last month a mother and baby from East Anglia were offered a bed in Glasgow

I feel their pain, I mean, having a Scottish baby.

Another thriller

Michael Jackson is in the news again today after allegations that he has been interfering with a 12 year old boy

Officers used a warrant to enter the 45-year-old singer’s home in the Santa Ynez Valley, in California.

Now, I do not know about you but there is no smoke without fire. Now I hope that Michael is innocent, I really do, however this is the third reported incident of this type.

Once can be a mistake, twice and you are both stupid and careless for allowing yourself to become that exposed again, but three times…humm.

Now Michael is on the run. On the run I say. Who does he think he is OJ Simpson?

Where exactly can he go? Wherever it is it has to have an oxygen tank, a playground, a zoo and 40 acres of land. How difficult can he be to find?

Shredded cash

Two girls in Brighton discovered about £3000 in banknotes in a bin in Brighton. The problem is that each note is spilt into three pieces

The girls discovered the cash 1 year ago, but due to the law they had to wait 1 year to claim it. Now the girls have set about matching the serial numbers and using a combination of Glue and sellotape to restore the legal tender.

That has to be drug money. You do not just shred £3000. Can you imagine going into the police station and trying to explain that to the police; “Oh yeh, yeh, that is my money. I remember that I was looking for a breath mint and £3000 fell out of my pocket into a shredder, but I did not know what to do, so I put it into a black bag and threw it away.

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~ by jeditopcat on 3 November, 2008.

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