Week commencing 24.11.03

Talk to the water bottle

Rumour are circulating that England’s Rugby captain Martin Johnson was seen talking into a water bottle a various points during the England final.

Some commentators say that an antenna could be seen sticking out from the water bottle, suggesting that he was communicating with the coach.

Or maybe he is a mad as he is ugly.

Do not stand on ceremony

Did anyone notice that person handing out the Australia medals, or the losers’ medals as we like to call them, just threw them over the necks of some without a hand shake, and thrusted it in the hands of those that were trying to shake the presenters hand.

It was if he was saying, “ok losers here is you piece of silver now get off, there are winners coming.”

Do not take their children away

Children of failed asylum seekers could be taken from their parents.

The Home office introduced the plan in the Queen’s speech that will affect over 2000 children.

Human rights campaigner ‘Liberty’ are furious.

I expect that the mothers are none to pleased either. I think that the public should think of it the other way around, what it those were British babies being taken from British parents by and Australian or American government.

Foiled chemical attack

Suspected terrorists tried to buy 500kgs of Saponin to launch a chemical attack on Britain police revealed this week.

Police were only made ware when the supplying company became suspicious and tipped off the police.

So with all the police intelligence, it was down to the supplying company to inform the police. The next time you se a blue sign saying ‘Police slow’ think you yourself, yes they are.

Run footballer, run

West Bromwich Albion striker Lee Hughes is on the run after his Merc collided with a Renault over the weekend killing the occupants

What is with all these celebrities that they ‘allegedly’ commit a crime and then try to hide. A word of advice, you are famous, there is nowhere to hide.

No support

It looks like Michael Jackson’s support is falling away thick and fast as only 25 people turned up for a vigil held in NY time square, and only 60 people turned up in Paris.

What can you say to that but…Ha, Shame!

Tannoy fun

Airport officials are hunting a pair of pranksters that posed as taxi cab drivers and persuaded airport staff to make rude announcements over the airport tannoy

The jokers claimed that there were picking up people from the Middle East and got staff to read out a stream of obscenities in the guise of Muslim names.

Glad to see that somebody actual carried out this urban myth. We have all heard about it before but nobody has ever seen it before now.

Battering landlords

The government will announce today in the Queen’s speech that the law is to be tightened on Landlords.

From now on all Landlords will have to be registered and all tenants deposits will go into a bond that can be accessed when the tenant leaves the property.

This to me is another protection for the tenant and no protection for the landlord.

I was in court last week trying to recover some of the 1 year unpaid rent from the person camped out in my property. Who is protecting me?

There were other landlords in the court trying to recover amount varying from £6,500 to £8,700 from tenants that simply refuse to pay. Where is their protection?

Has the law gone mad!! I know it makes me mad!!

Soft on crime

Police chief Brian Paddock has been given one of the Mets top jobs as head of the Territorial support.

Brian Paddock was responsible for the ‘softly softly approach’ on cannabis possession in Brixton

Can we expect a ‘softly softly’ approach on real crime aswell.

He wants to clamp down on non-paying tenants, that what he wants to do.

FCUK

People may be arrested for wearing the latest FCUK t-shirt.

The t-shirt features a woman straddling a man with the words ” The joy of FCUK” underneath

I have to say here that there is a thin line between a bit of fun and offensive material. But I do not think that this is it.

England is renowned for pushing back the boundaries of conformity. Any child that understand the imagery on the t-shirt, is old enough to have that special conversation with there parents, and any adult that is offended should perhaps go back to the old peoples home from were hence they came.

One orgasm please

A scientist claiming to have invented a device which produces orgasms at the touch of a button can’t find women to help him conduct trials into it.

The implant, inserted under the skin at the base of the spine, triggers a reflex response to produce sensation

Can you imagine the relief on the faces of men and women across the world if this were proven true. No more feelings of inadequacy for men who turn up too early, or women who arrive too late.

Benjamin says no to OBE

Poet has rejected the offer of an OBE because he claims it stands for colonial brutality and slavery.

Benjamin Zephaniah, writing in the Guardian, said the honour’s full title, Order of the British Empire, gives the impression of white supremacy.

Mr Zephaniah, from Birmingham, said: “I get angry when I hear that word ’empire’; it reminds me of slavery, it reminds me of thousands of years of brutality; it reminds me of how my foremothers were raped and my forefathers brutalised.”

It seems to me that entertainers get awarded these honours for just doing their job of thrusting themselves in the public gaze, where as the real heros are the men and women that carry out selfless acts to build and improve their communities.

Perhaps the focus and limelight should fall on them.

Osama and Saddam dolls

Israeli customs have confiscated a cargo of 450 singing, dancing Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein dolls.

The battery-powered figures were seized by customs officials, who said they had the potential to incite.

The 400 Osama Bin Laden dolls and 50 Saddam Hussein dolls were discovered during a routine search at the port in Haifa, northern Israel.

An Arab-Israeli businessman said he ordered the figures as a “gimmick” to sell to Arabs and Jews

Where is their sense of humour.

See if you can think of other dancing public figures that you would market and why

That’s a lot of bull

A bullock named ‘The Colonel’ is set to stampede into the record books as the world’s biggest.

It weighs 2,500lbs (the same as a small car) and stands 6ft,5in.

Ummm, lunch.

The Bush muggings

Police chiefs admitted today that muggings went up by 20% over the Bush visit as police were drafted from their usual beats to look after one man. Bush.

Is anybody surprised? No really, anyone?

I guess we can add this to the £7million recorded cost of his visit.

Script held to ransom

The Office’s Ricky Gervais has appealed to the media not to reveal details of the show’s Christmas episodes after scripts went astray in the post.

An Essex woman claimed to have been mistakenly sent scripts for the show’s final instalments and was reportedly considering selling them to a paper.

Joanne Hiley, from Saffron Walden, said the two 100-page scripts were meant to be sent to a health and safety technician in the town.

But she is now considering selling them to the highest bidder after they were delivered to her home instead.

This woman has to be from Essex really doesn’t she, that she is prepared to sell the contents of the script rather than give it back to its rightful owners

I fear that this woman’s actions reflect the moral decline of society today

Have a word Tony

Tony Blair has launched what he says is the biggest consultation exercise ever with voters.

The prime minister went to Newport, Wales for the launch of a 77-page document setting out the challenges faced by Britain.

Flanked by Chancellor Gordon Brown and Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott, Mr Blair said the government was at a “fork in the road” adding: “This is the time for the party to take risks”.

Critics of the idea have dismissed it as a New Labour “gimmick”.

The Conservatives did exactly the same thing once with John Major and again with William Hague.

Tony did not listen about the Iraq war and he did not listen about Student debt, what is different now?

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~ by jeditopcat on 3 November, 2008.

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