Speech for Helen and Michael’s wedding

In the UK it is customary for guests to deliver various speeches at their friend’s wedding.

The speeches are normal humourous and depricating to the bride or groom, similar to the American tratition of ‘Roasts’.

I had written this one for my friend Helen’s wedding in December last year but, due to the lack of time and being unfamiliar with American weddings, I felt that it was inappropriate to deliver it at the time.

Now that I am back, I feel that the speech should not go unheard, so to Helen Fox and Michael Hawley, we all wish you every health and happiness in your lives together.

The speech begins:

Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking…..

One of the things about wedding speeches is that you are supposed to ridicule the groom and praise the beauty and wisdom of the bride…unfortunately we have nothing good to say about the bride, so our speeches are going to be a little different.

I am one of many represented here today from Helen’s childhood school years, and we may yet hijack this happy occasion in the bar later to also celebrate 33 years together ‘In Pectore Robur’. (You get less for murder)

But despite those years together it is a testimony to Helen that there are people that have known and loved her even longer than that also with us here today…despite her incessant talking (or GBH in the ear’ole).

The older Helen gets the more that she sounds like she is quoting Catherine Tate, and what the British contingent here today would call normal Helen behaviour, is considered quirky and English here in the states.

Like all of us, Helen has changed over the years but her change is best illustrated by the progression of her two careers.

Helen went form school into being a merchant banker (madam) where she epitomised Thatcher’s Britain with a “Loads of money” attitude to life.

But at some point, the money, job security, wealth and standing in the community was not enough, and Helen decided to leave all that behind to become the epitome of a poor student, wearing lots of black and purple, turning vegatarian and even having pet rats.

At university Helen worked hard and after receiving her doctorate moved into a field where she has become world renowned.

Despite all those successes, Helen has still remained grounded in who she really is, a loving, caring person who remains loyal to her friends, as is testament here today.

Michael is a lucky man.

I could embarrass her with stories of her childhood antics but I will leave that to Claire, Karen and Scott. I could regale you with stories of our roadtrips around England, Germany and New England, but we all want to get on with the dancing,

So I will simply say, that I wish Helen and Michael all the heath and happiness on this their wedding day.

A toast then to Helen and Michael.


~ by jeditopcat on 6 January, 2014.

One Response to “Speech for Helen and Michael’s wedding”

  1. Shame we never got to hear your speech at the wedding. Looking back over the one I made, there is no doubt that we are talking about the same person!

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